2004-08-13
life:an everbuilding mystery...
It hit me this morning. I am a senior. No longer will I have to take crap from the top class. To tell you the truth space cadets, I couldn't really tell you what made me remember this important factoid. I believe it was Wegnutz who brought up the subject of me being a senior.
How great does it feel you ask? Yes you, the one in the back with the gothic ambivalence, that is what you asked isn't it? Well I will tell you. I am not going to say that it feels great until it hits me harder. I mean I won't tell you until the thought of leaving this pigsty town knocks me out cold. Then and only then will I be able to describe it as "great" or be able to rate its greatness. Right now I am just scared.
Really, I blame Miss Linguist for instilling this fear in me. Tragic if you think of it. The one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally[father's love is always optional in the raising process]is the one who is holding me back the most. And yeah I have had therapy for it two years running, but Miss Linguist doesn't want to change the way she views my life and where it is headed. Not that I want to live for her. For that would be a waste of my life. I just want to please her because that is what life is partly about. Getting along with people while sharing something with them. What I want to share with Miss Linguist is a pride of me.
I don't like to use that phrase. You know that phrase. Yeah you do. "My life is officially about to start." In actuality your life begins the moment you take your first breath. You have the choice of when you want to live it right. For me, it was at a young age. I just got a little lost along the way. Perhaps I will detour during college too. I know what I am here for. To live what I am given to the best of my ability.
Don't say your life only starts at a certain point. Because that means that the rest of your life before that point was a waste. If college was the beginning of one's life, we would all be born eighteen years of age with an elementary, middle, and high school education instilled into us. The truth is that the moments that we take for granted as just practice for the real thing is the real thing. We cannot simply lump everything before the senior year together and forget it. Brush it off as a learning experience. Practice runs for the final space shuttle. No. All of the childhood memories, all of the high school tragedies, they all are a part of something. That something is life. Your life is not only from eighteen to eighty. It is one minute old to a billion minutes old.
(Bet you wanted to chew on something so heavy this morning didn't you? Well you can always count on me to do one of two things. Laugh or think.)
In other news:Sambo and her boyfriend broke up. I will now be the role of consoler and best friend. Because that is what I do best.
Quote of the day:"Life was a small negative space cut out of the eternal solidity, and for the first time, it felt precious-not like all of the words that had come to mean nothing, but like the last breath of a drowning victim."-['Everything is Illuminated']