2005-11-16
the nightmare slightly before thanksgiving
Oy. Oy motherraping vey.
So let me tell you a little story about an evil, vile monster called the DAR. The DAR is worse than the boogieman, your hair aunt Esther's kisses, and Elvis impersonators combined. It's a real thing so therefore, it's spooky as all hell. The DAR is the bane of all undergraduate existance. Get ready, get set, get scared!
DAR stands for Degree Audit Report and these three little letters strike fear into the hearts of all undergraduates who attend the UWRF. Every person must write in their major and minor and then the computer[the second most baneful thing in existance]spits out eight-eighty[depending on your major and minor]pages of courses you will have to take during your undergraduate years[otherwise known as the upper level high school years of more mature angst].
Newsflash:I am a psychology major and an art minor.This means that I have 36 credit hours of Psychology and 24 credit hours of Art to take care of before I leave this pristine tribute to academia. Do you think that this is honestly going to happen? Do you know of whom you are requesting this to?
DAR's ally and evil schemer is ESIS. ESIS is how undergraduates at the UWRF register for classes, take care of finances, and see how they are doing in a class. It's basically the college on the computer. A college on a computer. That's not a good idea. That spells disaster with a capital DISASTER. Since I, being the irresponsible 18 year-old nimrod I am, only have 13 credits. Your amount of credits directly correlates with when you get to electronically sign up for classes.
Thirteen credits is not enough for ESIS, oh no. DAR has made sure that any poor, sniveling undergrad that has only one credit over full-time student status must register on the LAST DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING BREAK! That means all those not so poor, sniveling undergrads with up to 18 credits get to register the 18th. Which means all those little shitfaced-smugnosed bastards will get all the classes I need.
Bottom line:Um I'll be in college until I am ninety. That is if DAR doesn't eat me...alive.
Quote of the day:Melissa:"I heard text messaging is the new cyber sex."
Derrick:"I hate cyber sex, it's terrible."
Joe:"He only says that because he sucks at it."--people named joe are like drunk people: they cannot lie.